apparently i just did,
was laying down on my bed while scrolling my twitter then so sudden it came out from nowhere, a thought once i let out years back then it got me back now,
"hidup aku sekarang bangsat, sampai masa akan datang kalau aku hidup lagi dan gelak balik kenang masa lepas,"
well, ive been at my lowest part of my life before now, those years i felt like i was gone under and made me feel like i dont ever want to live anymore,
tbt,
i never thought i could survived all these til now, i was young, hopeless, living those days like waiting for my end to come, im known to myself love to messed up everything i could possible do, im not a proud son nor not a good friend, most of the past life time im not good doing at anything, with all diseases i had before, i was like not to give a care about at almost anything except dying, im better off dead back then, totally not motivated at all,
after 3 times of suicide trials, im still mad at myself, i was deeply mad to God why the hell did He wont let me die, still not everyone ever knew how i felt that time, im usually love to keep my distance from others, i lost both of my brother and sister, once i fell in love with a girl yet i screwed things up and i was depressed and affected worst of my life back then,
as i grow up and lived those days, im starting to thinking, about everything ive done, met with few new people, im starting to appreciate things surround me, im changing far beyond what i had back then, one thing i realised that im not that strong as i ever knew, i need help, i need attention from others so they will help me to get back up and start over back again, and apparently yes i did,
im slowly to moving over things ive left before, changing myself to be a better person, not just for me, for my family as well, i keep myself close and closer to the ones i love and care, learn and appreciate valuable things in life now, til now i guess i could say, im laughing whenever im thinking about my past life, those days are gone forever, only certain things im keeping in my mind as for a reminder to myself,
someone once told me,
"stop saying sorry too much"
this is what i got from my past life, im easily feel sorry for what ive done, im afraid of what they could think of me, im fragile, feeling sensitive about certain things could got me down again, i cant never messed up things again and i wont, im tired of letting things go, tired of disappointing, i just dont want things got me screwed up again and again,
get back up and revenged to the past life!
life is not a race, its about survival, how youre gonna survive to live for another tomorrow or end up being a loser, dont be afraid cause you know youre not, all of us are born to survive, achieve what you want the most, be someone important to someone else, keep loyal to the Lord Himself, and most importantly, make your parents proud - danie faizal, 2014